Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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