I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
