I want to walk on stilts...naked
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
