The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Everything about him screamed your future.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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