I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
