2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Randomize
