two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
