Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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