smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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