The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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