My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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