its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
