a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
