Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well I just put wine in my tea
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
