i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
