I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
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