all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
