If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just found puke in my bra..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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