Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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