some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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