The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
