He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
