My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
