I have demons in me.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
