It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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