Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
