There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize