I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
