I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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