the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
