I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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