Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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