I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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