her facebook's as public as her vagina
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
