On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
