she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
