TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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