Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
