wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
