A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
