Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
