I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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