i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
