I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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