so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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