He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
