Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
