mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
