fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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