im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
