mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
