Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
