Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Rumble strips road head = magical
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
