idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just had sex bonerless
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
