Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
