I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
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how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize