I got chris browned last night
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
