what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I need to sanitize my soul.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
