Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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