I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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