The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
