I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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