Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
