I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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