i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
