My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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