omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize