My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
