his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
