went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
