You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
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there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
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I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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