we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
