hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
