so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
