Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
