Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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